- WHDH Talk Radio, Boston

Fellow Commentator: "Do you think if he was a spaniard he'd have gone down in the penalty area?"
Martin O'Neill: "I'm not going to answer that one ... but yes, he would."

- Latvia v. Spain soccer commentary

"Tonight will be the last night Murphy Brown refers to Dan Quayle. After tonight's episode they will get back to reality."

- Overheard in a cafeteria line

"For daring to stand up to Mansell, the wheelchair-bound Williams still brought down upon himself the ire of the driver's many admirers across Europe."

- The European, 17-20 September 1992, page 3

"This SBC [Single Board Computer] is a two board set."

- Unidentified internal specification

Given this grand and glorious opportunity, we submit for your amusement a slew of Bushballs from the book "Bushisms"

• "We're enjoying sluggish times, and not enjoying them very much."
• "It's no exaggeration to say the undecideds could go one way or the other."
• "I've told you we don't live and die by the polls. Thus, I will refrain from pointing out that we're not doing too bad in those polls."
• "And I would say to those out around the country. `Take a hard look now: don't let that rabbit be pulled out of the hat by one hand and 25 other rabbits dumped on you in another.'"
• "I've been talking the same way for years, so it can't be that serious."
• "I saw a story the other day that I went a little ballistic - which is only part true - semiballistic."
• "I mean, I think there'll be a lot of aftermaths in what happened, but we're going to go forward."
• "The Democrats choked the throttle - pulled the the throttle back of a slowing economy while they hunted for every last morsel of partisan advantage."
• "I will never apologize for the United States of America, ever. I don't care what the facts are."
• "Those are two hypo-rhetorical questions."
• "Please don't look at part of the glass, the part that is only less than half full."
• "I once got some advice that `If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog.' We took them literally - that advice, as you know. But I didn't need that because I have Barbara Bush."
• "You cannot be President of the United States if you don't have faith. Remember Lincoln, going down on his knees in times of trial and the Civil War and all that stuff. You can't be. And we are blessed. So, don't feel sorry for - don't cry for me, Argentina."

"On today's show we will be giving away a top of the range Pioneer car stereo which will fit into most cars with the minimum of ease."

- Larry Gogan, 2FM Radio

"Local archery club are inviting new members for start of season. They are currently targeting old age pensioners."

- News Quiz, BBC4 Radio

"He's not lying, but what he says is absolutely not true".

- Martin Obtin, Woody Allen's attorney

"... desperate to escape from Stalagluft 3, where he has been interred for three years ..."

- BBC Radio 4, continuity announcer

"It is quite obvious to even a casual observer after studying the results ..."

- Internal memo

"Those who remember the evening say they will never forget it."

- Michael Saunders, Boston Globe staff writer

"After the initial rush for places, they're settling down now to sensibility."

- David Coleman, BBC1

"Indeed, they've put a blanket round the entire city."

- David Coleman, BBC1

"There's a mistake on the scoreboard: they're only showing his Christian names, Ismail Ibrahim."

- David Coleman, BBC1

"Burrell is clinically blind in his right eye... Christie is on his left side. He'll have Christie in full vision."

- David Coleman, BBC1

"... and Tulu...looking a lot more experienced, although she's not showing it tonight."

- David Coleman, BBC1

"And there is Linford Christie on the warm up track outside - well, in his case he'll be warming down because the final does not start for around 75 minutes."

- David Coleman, BBC1

"The entire KLF catalogue has been deleted - suddenly and with ample warning."

- Steve Wright, BBC Radio 1

"[Mr. Clinton's economic package] won't create jobs, it will cause jobs to be lost - 1.8 million to be exact. And that's a conservative estimate."

- Government economics consultant

"The season series (between the Twins and Rangers) is tied at 5-5, for both teams."

- John Gordon, Minnesota Twins announcer

"WATER COUNTRY - PORTSMOUTH, NEW HAMPSHIRE, Cost: $13.00 Adults, Kids under 4 feet tall should be purchased at the gate."

- Digital PAC center email

"Bellerive Country Club is not only good enough to stage a US Open, it has staged a US Open."

- The Independent

"Even the glare of headlights can't hide the city's darkest secrets."

- WBZ-TV commentator on a police "sting"

"...and the possibility that the [tennis] match will extend into tomorrow is a real possibility."

- Sports news reader, Galway Bay FM

"Weight-lifting in Australia has always had it's ups and downs".

- Olympic gold medalist Dean Lukin

"There are a number of people poised with [deleted] to add ... ready at hand who will throw them into the ring the instant the iron gets hot."

- John Jenkins, member of the Unicode Technical committee

"So him and his new wife believe they were together in a previous life so I said, 'Who do you think you are, Sodom and Gomorrah?'"

- Guest on Oprah Winfrey Show about bigamous marriages

"[Unidentified baseball player] made an immaculate conception catch on a pop fly."

- overheard over a cubicle wall

"... the return sent to the feet of the extended arm of Stitch..."

- John Barrett, BBC2

"It's a race that the Kenyans have dominated - but, looking at the records, it's the first time they've won it."

- David Coleman, BBC1

"The tune we've been whistling has struck a chord with other member countries... but the ball the Prime Minister has to pick up and run with will put some flesh on the agenda."

- Tristan Garel-Jones (re Maastricht Treaty)

"I don't think I've ever seen anything quite like that before - it's the second time it's happened today."

- Brian Johnston, BBC Radio 3

"It's not only a race against the clock, but a race against time itself."

- Presenter, BBC Wales

"For the last two seasons she has been running on painkillers - her foot is quite sore."

- David Coleman, BBC1

"There he is, the fastest man in the world this year... other men may have run faster this year but he did it when it mattered."

- David Coleman, BBC1

"...and if Berger gets another yellow flag it will be a red one."

- David Coleman, BBC1

"Thieves stole more than $20 million worth of priceless art..."

- WCVB newscaster Natalie Jacobsen

"I will stake my life on it that that didn't happen, but if it did, that person was acting in an unauthorized manner"

- U.S. Presidential candidate Jerry Brown

"[The UN inspection team] will be conducting 12 surprise inspections" of Iraqi sites."

- Unidentified NPR commentator

"Through economic mismanagement the Tories dropped the election in our lap and we let it slip through our fingers."

- Labour party member Ken Livingston

"He's taken it in the shadow of the Great Southern Stand - although there are none today because the sun isn't out."

- Clark Hansen, Radio 3LO

"JOHN REEVES Spelling words correctly couldn't be any easier! Look it up in a flash with an electronic spell checker."

- Radio Shack flyer sent to Jon Reeves

"Your subject is the football World Cup. It's not just football and it's not just the World Cup. It's the football World Cup."

- Henry Kelly, BBC1 TV

"There is no way Ryan Giggs is another George Best. He is another Ryan Giggs."

- Denis Law, BBC RADIO 4

"...and Tranmere Rovers are playing with a 5-man back four."

- Commentator, Radio Merseyside

"He hangs his head - looks at the sky..."

- Nigel Starmer-Smith, BBC2 TV

Jimmy Hill: "But you said it should have been a goal."
Terry Venables: "No I didn't. I said it should have been a goal."
Jimmy Hill: "So you've changed you tune then."

- BBC1 TV

"It's all perfectly innocent," Barry Cole '93 said. "In fact I tucked in a girl, her boyfriend, and her roommate all together on Monday night."

- Dartmouth College campus newspaper

"There is nothing better than the traditional glow of a radiator."

- Australian electric utility advertisement

"Government alone cannot do what needs to be done by itself..."

- U.S. President George Bush

"This smaller design is capable of flying faster than the speed of sound at speeds exceeding Mach 1."

- Announcer on PBS show

"We're not the sort of party that does deals behind smoke-filled doors."

- Brian Gould, ITN

"The Conservatives fear they may be side-tracked by a storm in an egg-cup."

- John Cole, BBC1

Questioner: "Which of these words do you think best sums up your character?"
Paddy Ashdown: "Er... perhaps 'decisive'?"

- Channel 4

"...and now the declaration from Berwick-Upon-Tweed, Britain's most northerly constituency."

- David Dimbleby, BBC1

"We said zero, and I think any statistician will tell you that, when you're dealing with very big numbers, zero must mean plus or minus a few."

- William Waldegrave

"Let me explain, Nick - it is the key which turns the door in the lock."

- Paddy Ashdown, Radio 4

"I was polled on the amount of radio I watched..."

- Emma Freud, GLR

"Five and a half hours later psychiatric nurse Terri Reynolds was undergoing a life-saving operation under the skilful hands of Meath footballer Gerry McEntee"

- The Connacht Tribune

"The oldest living survivor of the [sinking of the Titanic] has died."

- Nanette Hansen, WMUR TV, Manchester, NH

"Heads of the main UK motor manufacturers are to meet with the Trade and Industry secretary today to discuss means of helping the UK car industry which is seen to be a driving force in the UK economy."

- VNS #2598 Main News

"It's an annual four-year dance."

- US President Bush

"Chris Lewis didn't bowl, then came in and scored thirty. A top all-round effort."

- Alec Stewart

"And that's Aston Villa's first League goal since their last one."

- Elton Welsby, ITV

"I'll leave the atmosphere to your imagination, but you can literally touch it."

- Elton Welsby, ITV

"He [Francis Bacon] was probably our greatest living painter - until he died."

- News presenter, LBC

"Bernstein, in the fastest dragster, lines up beside Eddie Hill in the quickest."

- Unidentified TV commentator

"Ladies and gentlemen, please remain seated: we are not here yet"

- Aircraft crew member

"I don't think there is any way to overmaximize the impact of the strike."

- Cristine Wagner, Conrail spokeswoman

"Next Mobil [gasoline filling station] back three miles"

- Sign in front of a Mobil station under construction in Bedford, N.H.

"You will get a whole half chicken which is birched."

- Overheard at MA GLOCKNER'S in Bellingham, MA

"He's obviously feeling confident as he is now playing the backspin with topspin."

- BBC commentator on Agassi's play

Oprah: So when did you first realise that the healing process wasn't working?
Mother (of son who died): When he died is when I first realised the healing process wasn't working.

- Oprah Winfrey show

"He rubbed shoulders the wrong way with senior management."

- DEC consultant

"I wouldn't call it normal, but it certainly isn't unusual."

- Gordon Wood, history professor, Brown U.

"I've been up and down like a roundabout."

- Marty Whelan, Century Radio

"Belts of rain will move across Scotland this morning, this afternoon, and this evening - in that order."

- BBC1 Weather forecast

"We're going to focus on worldwide markets."

- Business Plan

"BT [British Telecom] already protects against major network failures - but is planning more."

- BT presentation in London

"A suspect car was blown up just minutes before she arrived to delight children at a Barnardos Nursery in Belfast."

- Unidentified UK daily

"If Juha can keep Carlos in his behind, he will win the championship."

"But home is where you hang your friends, and I have friends here and a dozen friends in London and a dozen in San Francisco."

- Alistair Cooke, interviewed by James Brady, Parade Magazine, December 8, 1991

"In Maastricht the British Prime Major, Mr John Minister..."

- News reader on BBC WS news Wed 11 Dec 1991

"These fine watches feature timeless designs...."

- WBBM Radio commercial

"Inflationary pressure is still extremely moderate."

- Unidentified economist on PBS

"We offer the party as a big tent. How we do that within the platform, the preamble to the platform, or whatnot, that remains to be seen. That message will have to be articulated with great clarity."

- J. Danforth Quayle

Guest: My company makes kitchen tiles.
Andrew O'Connor: And what type of kitchen tiles are they?
Guest: They are the type you would expect to find in your kitchen.

- BBC1 TV

"So you've finally nailed your mast to Neil Kinnock?"

- Channel 4 TV, interviewer to Roy Hattersley

"As I've said before and I've said in the past..."

-Kenny Dalglish, ITV

"For those of you who know the Selhurst Park ground, West Ham are playing from right to left."

- Unidentified Commentator, BBC Radio 5

"I can't find the words to explain how mortified whoever was responsible for whatever happened must be."

- Murray Walker, BBC2 TV

Trevor MacDonald: How was Mr Maxwell feeling in the last few days? Richard Stott (Mirror editor): He was in a very bouyant mood.

- ITN

"Mr Maxwell was last seen walking alive on deck at 4.45 this morning."

- Trevor MacDonald, ITN

"Robert Maxwell was discovered missing..."

- Peter Snow, Channel 4 News

"It will take a long time for the waters to clear..."

- Michael Parkinson, London Talkback Radio

"It is now 12 minutes past the hour GMT."

- CNN Newsreader.

"There will be a lot of organizational information coming out in the next few weeks, so keep your ear to the grindstone."

- Heard in a meeting

"We are on the warpath and will not lie down."

- Lloyd's "face" on _Today_, BBC Radio 4

"We're going to finally wrestle to the ground this gigantic orgasm that is just out of control."

- US Senator DeConcini, in International Herald Tribune

"The device, containing 2 lbs of explosive, was found by a security guard hidden in a suitcase."

- RTE 1 (Ireland) radio news

"...and the whole stadium is on the verge of celebration - apart from the German fans that is!"

- BBC TV soccer commentator

"There is a tangible feel to having a wood stove that no other method of heating can touch."

- Entry in Internet Newsgroup

"It has been a year since the Exchange became a 24 hour operation, and it has not been an overnight success."

- Kelly Brothers, Ch. 3 News, Sacramento, CA

"Well, it's difficult to make predicitions, especially about the future." - British politician re: GB's EC presidency

"As you can see, the above approval has been approved."

- Unidentified DEC marketing manager"

"Astronomers have announced the discovery of a black hole in a distant galaxy M87. They say this is almost conclusive proof that black holes do exist".

- VNS News #2495

"At last an affordable encyclopedia that every family can afford."

- Barnes and Noble Family Encyclopedia advert

"The following commercial message was recorded by Michael Landon before his death."

- The Learning Channel (cable TV)

"That last spigot on the right gives beautiful, filtered water, just as G-d intended."

- Overheard in a corridor

"This 21 page document is a chronological complication of major events throughout Digital's development."

- ESG Newsflash #41

"It seems like we are celebrating Dr. King's birthday a lot less frequently."

- Unidentified colleague

"We took the kettle off the boil and overheated the economy."

- Geoffrey Dickens MP, ITV

"...We do not need another sole proprietor who will bully and steal when we can do it ourselves."

- Paul Foot, BBC Radio 4

Jim Bowen: "You're a fisherman aren't you?"
Contestant: "That's right, Jim."
Jim Bowen: "What do you fish for?"
Contestant: "Fish, Jim."

- Bullseye, ITV

"I was in a no-win situation, so I'm glad I won rather than lost."

- Frank Bruno, ITV

"Without picking out anyone in particular I thought Mark Wright was tremendous."

- Graeme Souness, BBC Radio

Jimmy Hill: "Don't sit on the fence Terry, what chance do you think Germany have of getting through?"
Terry Venables: "I think it's fifty-fifty."

- BBC1

"What is the use of all these countries sending us aid, and then below the table kicking us in the teeth?"

- Thai economic spokesman, BBC

"There were no heroes out there, they were all heroes."

- Chris Turner, BBC Radio 5

"And Lineker scored the equaliser thirteen minutes before the end - talk about a last-minute goal!"

- Simon Mayo, BBC Radio 1

"They compare him to Steve Heighway and he's nothing like him, but I can see why - it's because he's a bit different."

- Kevin Keegan, ITV

"At this time 4 years ago, President Bush was also 17 points behind the now almost forgotten George Dukakis."

- Radio 4 newsreader

"Taco Bar - .95 each (2 for $1.95)"

- menu item in DCO cafeteria

"He must put this dive in the water..."

- NBC Olympic commentator

[Chicago Cubs player Steve Buechele has] "turned into a one-man wrecking ball."

- Nick Charles, CNN sports

Toilet out of order - Please use corner

- Sign in the Manchester (NH) Airport

"NEW! Oil-Free Oil of Olay"

- Newspaper advertising insert

"Distances like 400 and 800 meters where you still need the speed of a sprinter, but also need to have the power to maintain it for 1-2 lapses."

- VNS News

"He was like King Canute, trying to hold back the floodgates."

- Malcolm Fraser, former Oz PM re: the late Sir Robert Muldoon, former Kiwi PM

Caller: "I'd like you to play this record for my fiance Neale."
'Doc' Fox: "What's your fiance called?"
Caller: "Neale..."

- Capital FM

"They (the BBC) must blow their own trumpet and have others blow their own trumpet for them."

- Paul Boateng - MP, BBC1 TV

"There's nothing like seeing two protagonists having a nose to nose tete a tete."

- Richard Skinner, GLR

"I've been bitten by the ferocious tongue of Frank Rich."

- Michael Praed, BBC1 TV

"And this is the real carrot at the end of the rainbow."

- Paul Lyneham, ABC TV, Australia

"...no one to stem the floodgates of hot air; there is now an avalanche of it."

- Carol Thatcher, TV-AM

"Such an easy pitch... Graham Gooch and Alec Stewart think their Christmases have all come home."

- Geoff Boycott, BBC1 TV

"She [Monica Seles] has so much control of the racket with those double-handed wrists."

- Virginia Wade, BBC2 TV

"You're either very good or very bad. There's no in-between. We were in-between."

- Gary Lineker, ITV

"I thought he was going to dive and decapitate himself... badly."

- Mike Hendrick, BBC