Roger:

Before responding to your card I would like to add one more tiny objection to your marriage scheme.

What about these three women you keep offering up as sacrifices to the altar of marriage? Do they have any say in the matter? You seem to think that once I've made my difficult choice, the rest is a foregone conclusion. This has not been my experience.

And now on to your devilish card:

You were rather blunt in reducing my three points. As for the third: I'M SERIOUS! Mom REALLY doesn't want anything to do with this. She knows that she would come out the villain whatever happened.

You voice doubts as to whether or not I REALLY want to get married someday. Your point is well taken. I DO have my doubts. Some days my carefree bachelor existence seems pretty damn nice. And I do have at least a vague idea about some of the sacrfices required and how much pure work a serious relationship requires.

You seem to think I don't have the stomach for the massive "drearyness" and the endless routine of marriage. I must say, you don't paint a very rosy picture of wedded bliss! Surely it can't be THAT bad!

Besides, I never claimed to be James Bond. I wash my own shorts. I do my own dishes. I microwave my own TV dinners. I am quite familiar with daily routine, thank you very much.

I think the problem here is the rather flippant remark I made last time about wanting a "touch of madness" in a mate. Allow me to clarify.

I have dated enough psychotic, neurotic, deranged women to know that there is nothing amusing or entertaining about mental illness. Mental illness can actually be rather dull after a month or so!

What I really meant, I suppose, was that I am looking for a non-conformist, someone who marches to the beat of a different drummer and yet (this is the tricky part) is still willing to march at my side and tolerate MY drummer. I see the two of us apart from the madding crowd, a bit comical and out of step but somehow holding each others hands through it all.

Yes there would be drudgery! Piles of it! But I want someone who, like me, fights it every step of the way. Not someone who invites me to lie down and become one with the dirty dishes and the unwashed socks. I want someone who will make me laugh at least once a day, and who will laugh at me, and with me! I want someone unpredictable. And if we must fold socks for the rest of our lives, I want someone who will occasionally fold her socks in an unexpected way, just to stir things up!

Is this really too much to ask? Am I a fool for wanting the occasional unexpected sock? There ARE women out there who meet my criteria. Usually they are already taken, but sometimes they are not. Sometimes I can get close enough to talk to them. And sometimes even more than that! I have had a few close calls. This gives me hope that if I just keep at it long enough I will find what I have been searching for for so long.

As for your metaphor of the short flat path and the long windy path: I accept it completely! Well said! I couldn't have put it better myself! I do indeed take the long road and sometimes I get lost and sometimes I miss dinner (although I usually have a bag of krunch-Os stowed underneath the driver's seat).

I will also agree that most of the women I've met get quite cranky if not fed at regular intervals. This saddens me. But there are some women who will at least skip lunch for beauty's sake, and I'm willing to compromise a bit now that I'm in my (gulp) thirties. Surely there must be some middle ground...