Suzanne,

This is an interesting conundrum. I think you should experiment with different types of lettuce. Are you only eating the old standard, Iceberg lettuce? That's the wall papery kind, I think.

Perhaps you should try Romaine. It stays greener longer. And what about Boston Butter Lettuce? It's more flowery and feels like tissue. I've never tried to blow my nose in a leaf of it, however.

And what about the more exotic types, like chard. Sounds dangerous, but it may be the answer to all your problems. And what about the famous Belgian Endive, which brought down Michael Dukakis (remember him telling farmers to plow under their corn and soy beans and plant the stuff?). And what about the little goodies you can put in salad?

Have you ever tried Jicama? No it's not a sound you make when you hiccup (well, when John does it is), it's a swell crunchy, fresh sweet tasting, er, well, salad thing. It looks like a root or something but much tastier than any root I've ever tasted. Oh, and garbanzos and kidney beans.! Nirvana!! Wash the salt off of them first however. And bacon bits. Yum. Toss it up in the air. Roll around in it naked. Salad is Fun!!!!!