Drury:

Actually, I've had a "sex fetish" all along. In Kindergarten I was madly in love with Maryanne Humphrey, whose smile, incidentally, I have yet to see bested. Then it was Rhonda Driskell, whom I was loyal to for the entire six years of grade school (except for a brief infatuation with Kathy McCarthy). None of these girls ever suspected a thing.

I used to love to play Secret Agent. I was always Napoleon Solo. [INCIDENTALLY, Larry, what a great name for your kid: "Napoleon Solo Shirey."] But while the other boys were swinging from tree limbs and pretending to blow up military installations, I was constructing elaborate fantasies about an illicit affair with a tall, blonde, Russian Agent. She and Napoleon always ended up defecting from both their respective governments and fleeing through the alleys of Venice, much to the chagrin of the United Network Command for Law Enforcement (and my fellow-agents).

If you failed to notice these tendencies in high school, it must have been because A) I was painfully shy and B) I was a late bloomer. But now I have a lot of catching up to do.