The Tale of Patty Pilgrim

Voice Card  -  Volume 21  -  Stuart Card Number 11  -  Thu, Aug 8, 1991 8:35 PM

Since the reception the "The Orchid and the Ostrich" was so strong, I thought I'd try to present you with another alpahbet poem that got quite out of control.

It's called "The Tale of Patty Pilgrim," and, assuming that I can paste it in here (and I'm not at all sure that I can, frankly), here it is (you'll want to open up the text field by the way to get the proper lineation):

     The Tale of Patty Pilgrim

          Patty Pilgrim had to pout;
          She peeked in her pudding bowl,     and she was out!

"That bum the pumpkin pinched my dessert!",
Patty Pilgrim plopped down hurt.

          Wiping pear-like tears, she vowed to get more
          Of her pretty pudding, so she went to the store.

"You can get some pie, a peach, or some peas;
It's too bad you want pudding and not any of these,

For you've not enough pennies," the grocer said,
"But without my pudding I'm practically dead!",

     Poor patty pined, she begged, and she prayed,
          But the price was too high, and she couldn't pay.

          Then she thought, "If I work, then it's pudding I'll purchase,"
So she ran off to perform as a clown in a circus.

She painted her face and pranced around,
But nobody laughed -- she was a very poor clown.

     So they pushed her in a cannon and Pop! she was off,
          Piloting past the big top, looking pitifully to her boss.

And as she zoomed over plains and populous cities,
     A plover flew by saying "My, but you're pretty.

     It's true you've no feathers, but your hair is pristine,
     It's pineapple yellow -- much prettier than green."

Patty politely said "Thank you" and "Have a pleasant day,"
          Then she had an idea, as she plunged in the Bay

          (For without a pair of wings, she just had to drop;
          She parted the water as she came down with a Flop!).

     But the porpoises saved her before she could drown,
          By pushing her with their noses to solid ground.

     They put her on a pier, then swam off through the bay;
          They looked like phantoms as they darted away.

     Patty sat on the pier, as she watched them ply
     The Pacific waters, and waved bye-bye.

Then patty went to school with the other pupils,
Where they learned about physics and foreign peoples.

     Then she ran home to her parents and opened their freezer
     And emptied the ice trays with a pair of tweezers;

For patty had patiently waited all day
To put her precious idea into play.

     Now Patty knew penguins played in the park,
     And she rushed to their playground before it got dark

     With a pound of ice cubes that would fetch a good price;
     For Patty thought she'd profit by selling them ice!

     For knowing that penguins played where it's frozen,
     Patty thought they'd buy ice to wiggle their toes in.

At the playground's swing set, Patty panted from her run,
As the penguins pushed each other, having fun.

They were perspiring and hot; they didn't have a pool.
Patty knew her ice would make them cool.

     But when Patty reached inside her pocket she felt
          That her precious ice cubes had started to melt!

          What she brought out in her palm was only water,
Poor Patty Pilgrim, what a lesson was taught her!

               Water dripped past her fingers, her pinky and thumb.
          There wasn't a piece left, not even a crumb;

At least a pint of water pooled at her feet;
Worst of all, Patty knew she wouldn't have pudding to eat!

Now Penguins are peculiar and hate to be disturbed,
And now they grew angry, really perturbed!

     "You pest" they cried, you popinjay,
     How dare you disturb us at peace in our play!"

          So they picked up Patty by the seat of her pants,
               And They pitched her as far as Paris France!

"Ma pauvre cher," the Parisians spoke,
As Patty lay on the pavement and they gave her ribs a poke.

And a boy named Pierre said, "Do you parlez French?
     Si ne parlez pas Français, then I'll speak English.

     I perceive you're picky about, how you say -- pudding.
     It's a problem, no? It's quite befuddling.

     But I know a person, well, he's really a puppet;
     He eats pudding for breakfast, and at night he sups it

     I propose we go see him; he's peaceful, not brooding.
     If we ask him nicely, he'll give us some pudding!

     But he lives far away under Portuguese skies
     In a palace with a parrot and a pig who eats flies."

So Patty the pilgrim walked on the path
With Pierre and a pigeon who needed a bath,

And a poodle pinching a pony named Nate,
     And a pelican who fished using pickles for bait.

The pelican was a paratrooper named Private Irving;
When they made pudding in the army, he'd do the stirring.

     On the way pom pom girls cheered (as pom pom girls will),
     And a porcupine was stuck by a point of her quill

     To a potted plant, so Patty plucked her loose.
          And with babies in her pouch, just like a papoose,

          A possum prettily put on some perfume,
     As a pheasant pleasantly ate plums with a spoon.

          Now the possum's perfume was a special potion;
          It smelled like peppermint in a peat bog by the ocean.

     Then a postman rode by on a polar bear
     Juggling parcels and packages in the air.

          Then they passed a pasture where panthers slept,
          For in this part of the world they were herded and kept.

          Patty finally met a prince, one poor and alone;
He had no parents, and he had no home.

He liked to practice on a piccolo,
To play in the passes that were covered with snow.

     He was accompanied by a pussy cat who purred a poem
     About all the pussy willows purring alone.

But the poem made her cry a puddle, then a pond,
And then she sailed off in a pot with a peacock, with whom she was fond,

     Who said "ta ta" and put a plume and a pat
     On patty's hair; then Poof! -- He was gone like that.

     So Patty and friends paraded down the path,
And they thought they'd have a picnic of pudding at last,

When to the puppet's palace Patty came,
     But the sky grew perilous, and it started to rain.

          Rain pelted them hard; They were thoroughly soaked,
          Poor and bedraggled with just a patch of hope.

They pounded on the door where the puppet lived.
He had just ate three dinners -- his stomach was a sieve.

     And for dessert he'd had pudding, so passionately sweet,
          That he had bought from a pumpkin -- to save as a treat.

He was covered with pudding, as if just painted,
His face a palette of flavors -- and Patty fainted

When she saw him after searching for so many days,
     So they propped her with pillows and wheeled her away

          To the puppet hospital, where the physician proscribed,
     That Patty eat pudding from one o'clock til five.

So the puppet took Patty and her friends by the hand,
And brought them pudding in a giant pan.

They ate piles of pudding; they could eat no more.
They had to pull their stomachs along the floor.

They ate so much pudding it poured out their ears,
Still, the puppet served them more and called them "Poor dears."

     Finally the pudding was gone, but Patty wasn't sad;
     No, she went into a rage. She was really mad!

     "I want pudding, you hear me! I want more, More, MORE!",
          As she pounded her fists and kicked at the door.

So they gave Patty a pear, some porridge, and a peanut
To placate her, but she wouldn't eat it!

     "I want pudding, you hear me! I want more, More, MORE!",
          Patty pounded her fists and threw the porridge on the floor.

That night the moon was a pearl, each star like a pin,
     And Patty, still in pajamas, took to the path again.

You know, some people are proud, and some are prudent,
     And some want pudding, when they know they shouldn't.

          And it's been plenty of years; Patty keeps pushing on,
Looking for pudding, playing this song:

This tale of Patty's long travail
As she searches for pudding to put in her pail
     as she searches,
          and searches,
And still,
          still passionately
                    for some piping hot pudding
                         to put in her pail,
     Just a small portion of pudding
                    to put in her pail!